a new season

Wow, it’s been a whole month since I last posted! That was not my intention, so here I go getting back in the swing of things.

What I have been up to

My last post was right before finals. I only had the one, fortunately, so it was uneventful enough that I took time to take care of myself. It’s easy to forget to do that during the school year, especially during finals when you start feeling the pressure to pass. I’m happy to report that this semester was my best one since my first year in engineering! It’s a huge accomplishment for me, especially since I’ve struggled with my GPA so much.

After that, I went to my hometown in Wisconsin, where I surprised my mom with the visit for Mother’s Day. It was a nice change of pace for a week, but Philly is my home and I was happy to be back.

Last week, I started my second internship with Lockheed Martin. I took the week to get acclimated to my new position—and the commute, and the earlier start to my day. Technically I have the freedom to start my day later than I do, but having the earlier hours certainly has its benefits.

Summer – make the most of it before it’s gone

Going into the second week of my internship, my manager (who is fantastic, by the way) sat down with me to discuss what my goals would be for the summer internship. This included not just what work I will do, but the value and purpose of each, along with metrics of success.

It reminded me of a list I began before the end of the semester that I’ve been meaning to revisit. I know a lot of people make New Year’s Resolutions, but I find that I can make the most headway on things I want to achieve outside of school, well, outside of school. Summer is a short window, and I have to remind myself that I may not achieve all of my personal goals in that time, but I’d be happy to meet half-to-two-thirds of them.

Here’s a sample of the goals I would like to achieve this summer:

Continue weekly blog (hey, look! I’m making progress already!)
Set up a personal/professional website
Establish a newsletter for Temple SWE Corporate and Alumni contacts
Get in the habit of packing most meals (two weeks running and I’m doing good!)
Get in the habit of working out
Find a focus for Senior Design project

There’s a few others, both personal and professional. This summer I’m particularly trying to focus on forming some new habits, so that once fall rolls back around, it’ll be easier to continue doing them after the demands of school kick in—or at least that’s my hope.

Always growing

I didn’t always set goals like this. I didn’t always have this kind of focus. But I’ve been learning and growing—and I want to continue learning and growing! Setting goals gives me a direction to grow in, as well a measure of that growth. Sometimes it takes longer than I expect to achieve my goals; I mentioned I probably won’t check off everything on my list this summer, but it also applies to my education path. But that definitely doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing, and I’ve found that it’s both ok to take a little extra time when you need to and sometimes even better that way (just don’t take too much time).

Speaking of growing, on the more literal sense I’m working on growing my garden for the season. Last week I planted a variety of vegetables and sunflowers, and today I already saw some sunflower seedlings poking their heads out! It will be awhile before I see any flowers or veggies out there, but I know it’s a thing worth waiting for. It’s funny, because I didn’t take an interest in gardening until after I moved to the city. It’s rewarding, though!

(Even the lemon tree I bought back in March has been branching out, with little flower buds getting ready to bloom.)

In my next post I plan discuss one of my summer goals: finding a focus for my Senior Design project. Stay tuned!—and thanks for sticking around!

who is that girl I see

It’s the last week of the semester! Most of my group work is finished–or nearly so–and all that’s left is a few regular assignments and finals. Truth be told, it’s a bit hard to focus on weekly homework at this point in the semester as I struggle to keep my energy up, but I’ll do my best to try.

As it is the end of the semester, it seems like a good time to do some self-reflection.

Last year around this time, I had…a lot going on in my life, both in and out of school. Last year was a bad year for the flu; I got it early on in the semester and did poorly on my first set of midterms because I was in the middle of it, fever and all, during that week. Later in the semester, my uncle got diagnosed with cancer. At the beginning of April, my roommate and I were informed by our apartment complex that the building was being sealed by the city and we had to move out by the end of the month. Around the same time, I was informed that the company I worked for was being sold and that I had to reapply for the job I already had, with no idea what kind of management changes would take place. Then, of course, finals were starting.

Understandably, it was not a great time for me, and I still look back and consider it fortunate that I only failed one class in the wake of all this. However, I do have a short journal entry I made at that time that I like to look at when I’m feeling overwhelmed or unhappy:

“Not great” things aside, I really wish I could go back and talk to my younger self and reassure her. Like yeah it really sucks now, but I promise it’ll get better—not perfect, not what you might expect, but better—and I promise you won’t be stuck back there forever, and I promise one day you’ll be a strong, independent, beautiful, accomplished woman. One day you’ll start to accept and love who you are—all of it, even the things that scare you now, because you don’t understand it yet, but you’ll learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin, and you’ll be so much better and happier for it. Keep reading, keep writing, keep doing what is important to you, keep doing what you think is right, and don’t be afraid to speak out. Don’t let yourself live in silence, because you have such a strong and beautiful voice and maybe no one appreciates it now, but they will. I promise they will. And as empty as it sounds that “you can do anything you set your mind to” or “be anything you want,” once you find your footing, you’ll know. It takes a while to find it, maybe longer than you want or expect, but once you’ve found that path, maybe you’ll stumble down it at first, but eventually you’ll be walking tall and proud, and you will be so great. So don’t ever lose hope, because I love you, and someday, you will too.
me, April 2018

I’ve written before about how I haven’t taken the most direct or easiest path to get where I am. Still, it’s hard to have regrets when I look at how far I’ve come since I was younger and less sure of myself. Despite all the stumbling blocks and road bumps, I’ve managed to build a strong support system and get myself on a path that I am happy to be traveling. I hope to continue in that direction and keep improving; I hope in the future that I will still feel as satisfied and fulfilled with my life as I am now.

For those of you reading this: I hope you can find yourself in a place that you appreciate even through the hardest of times. Thank you for reading!

burn rubber…not the candle at both ends

We’re entering the final stretch for the semester–less than three weeks left! It leaves me a bit torn, though. On the one hand, I’m counting down the days and can’t wait to be done. I have plans to attend Philly’s annual Science Festival Carnival on May 4, and I have a week free before my internship starts to go visit my mom for Mother’s Day (which I haven’t been able to do since moving out). Then I have a full summer of gaining experience in my field, and more importantly, earning a significant income. It’ll be much more relaxed than attending school, and I’m really looking forward to it.

There is a downside, though. It’s mainly the looming deadlines for group projects and studying for final exams. We’re in crunch time, and everyone is tired and stressed. We’ve been working non-stop since January, with only a few brief breaks during the semester and a slightly longer break over winter. There’s less than three weeks left, but each week is jam-packed with last-minute quizzes and midterms and deadlines for group projects. I wrote before about my concerns for scheduling time for group meetings for these projects; so far I think I’ve been managing…but we’ll see in a couple weeks just how well I’ve been managing.

With all that said, I think it’s understandable that one of my concerns for the tail end of the semester is burnout. When I began writing this blog, I mentioned that last semester I overloaded myself because I thought I had enough time to take on extra classes. It ended with a nearly-spectacular burnout at the end of the semester: I was ill for the last month of classes, I was constantly exhausted, and as a consequence, my work suffered and my grades tanked. I can say with confidence that I’m in a much better place this semester compared to last semester, and I’ve mostly managed to avoid burnout.

How I felt at the end of last semester…and what I am trying to avoid for the future

I read an article on LinkedIn this morning, How to Protect Your Team from Burnout. It was geared towards leaders in the workplace, but the bottom line can be applied to school, too. The subheadings were: “manage the whole human,” “realign your team’s expectations–and your own–through compassionate directness,” and “help your team detach in the evening–and reattach in the morning.” The bottom line of all of these sections was this: the physical and emotional experience of work are just as important as the actual work; an open dialogue around expectations can help relieve stress; it’s important to detach from your work at the end of the day, rather than being engaged 24/7. I will say that school is a good environment for managing expectations, as professors issue syllabi with grading criteria, etc., although the rest of the points were things that could be counted as self-care.

These things aren’t exactly revelations, but it’s easy to forget about them. Speaking personally, I know there’s often temptation to be on for school the whole day. There’s so many things demanding our attention and we have to be sure to meet all of our deadlines, etc, and sometimes we even feel guilt doing something that’s not schoolwork, despite the fact that we need the break. I know I’ve had trouble in the past, but I’ve made an effort this semester to do better.

Here’s a look at things I did differently this semester that I think really benefited me compared to previous semesters:

I took breaks during homework sessions. In particular, when I got stuck on a problem, I stepped away and came back to it later, rather than allowing myself to get frustrated. Recently, I did push too hard trying to do a homework assignment, and wound up only making things more difficult for myself, but when I returned to the assignment later, I had a fresh mind and was able to finish it with much less difficulty than the first attempt.
I started keeping a physical planner, which has made it easier for me to keep track of all of my obligations, assignments, group meetings, etc, which has consequently made time management and prioritizing much easier.
Perhaps most importantly: I have set hard cut-offs for my “work” day. This was a bit more difficult for me to do in previous semesters, where I worked off campus and/or worked more hours. My work day and school day stretched from whenever my classes started to whenever my work day ended, and I did homework when and where I could. This semester, I’m fortunate enough to have on-campus work. Now, I try to get all my school work done before leaving campus, so that when I do leave campus for the day or the weekend, I’m done. It doesn’t always happen that way, but having that mindset has made it easier for me to disengage from school–which I think has improved my productivity and success overall.

Near the start of the semester, I wrote about improving my time management. I can confidently say that I’ve made progress with that goal, and that I’m seeing improvements in my work and mental health because of it. I’m still stressed, but I’m not five minutes away from a breakdown because of burnout like I was last semester. Granted, what works for me might not work for others, but what’s important is to figure it out, either way, for the sake of grades and productivity and mental health.

I’d rather do the burnout that you do after you win a race!

I guess I’m ready for the semester to be over, after all. I’ve got a pretty good handle on things, especially compared to past semesters, and I just have to see them through to the finish line!

If you made it to the end here, I appreciate you sticking with me! Remember to take care of yourselves, if not for your mental health (though personally I think that should be a priority), then for your performance at work/in school. Figure out what works best for you, and run with it!

When life gives you lemons…

…make lemonade.

It’s a phrase you’ve probably heard a lot. It encourages you to make something good out of a bad situation–the lemons are the bad situation. Personally, I’ve always liked lemons and lemon-flavored things. In fact, I bought a small lemon tree at the Philadelphia Flower Show over spring break last week! It was definitely a high for me.

Still, there’s definitely wisdom in trying to make the best out of a situation that may not be ideal. Last summer, I worked as an intern at Lockheed Martin–which is probably an ideal internship for some people! Unfortunately, they placed me in robotic process automation–as a mechanical engineer, I felt very out of my depth during my internship, and it had the potential to ruin the whole experience for me.

Sometimes we get so desperate for any internship or work that we’re willing to take anything, even if it’s not a good fit. In my case, I was excited for the opportunity to work at such a strong company, and I assumed that they would give me a position that fit my background. It didn’t happen that way, and honestly I was disappointed at first. Still, I saw it as both a learning opportunity and a way to get my foot in the door. I knew there were mechanical engineering positions within the company, so I made an effort to network to find a a position that would be a better fit.

We’re encouraged to network throughout our college education, with the obvious goal of finding a job when we graduate, but networking can be a scary, unknown beast at times. How do you do it? As someone who has struggled with social anxiety, I know it can be hard to approach new people, especially if they are managers or recruiters and you want to make sure you make a good impression. Ideally, you want to do your networking before you start working, so that you can get the connection to get the job, right?

I’ve found that, in fact, the best way to network is to do so organically. By that I mean, it’s better to make natural connections with people–don’t just add random people on LinkedIn, for example. My internship at Lockheed didn’t start with Lockheed; it started with a person I was acquainted with from my day job (a concierge at an apartment building) who suggested I look into the company he works for, which turned into me attending a networking/info event, which then turned into an internship offer. And once I was there? I connected with people that had similar interests. I connected with the president of Philadelphia SWE through our shared involvement in the society, and then she introduced me to a Temple alumna. One of the people in charge of my intern group introduced us to her protege, and I connected with her.

It sounds easy, but really, it should be! If you think about it, you’re more likely to remember someone from a warm, interesting conversation, than from a cold, stinted approach. We all have interests that make us animated when we talk, and the key is to find a way to bring that into a professional conversation–what’s your favorite thing about your degree, or your school? What really makes you want to get up in the morning? Sometimes the person you’re trying to approach will be closed-off, and in that case, it might be time to move on, but there will probably be at least a few people you can connect with.

Yes, the point of networking is to have connections for finding work, help, etc, but also the point is to find the right fit for you in the workplace. Do you really want to go work somewhere where everyone is closed off? Or would you rather go to work where you can have a conversation with your coworkers that makes the day more interesting? I know I really enjoy a lively work environment, and that’s why I’m going to be returning to Lockheed this summer–this time in a position that’s more suited to my background!

But what about the position that wasn’t a good fit for me? I used it as a learning opportunity. I know software isn’t where I want to go, but it could’ve been, and if I hadn’t had the first-hand experience, I might not have known for sure. Still, I dug my hands in and gave it my best, and I learned more about coding than I ever have before. I learned vocabulary that I wasn’t familiar with, and I learned more about how computers and networks go. As an engineer, we’re still going to have to interface with computers and technology–perhaps even more than ever before–and this experience has given me a leg up on my previous knowledge.

So maybe I’m not meant for any kind of software job, but I learned so much over summer that I’m still grateful for the experience. Lemons, lemonade…it’s only bad if you make it so.

The road less traveled…

This week I’m in the process of applying for scholarships through Society of Women Engineers (SWE). It’s probably no big deal for some people to fill out scholarship applications, but somewhere along the way to where I am now, I thought, “most scholarships are worth more trouble than it’s worth.” I think this was more true when I was studying liberal arts, where you’re often required to submit long, thoughtful essays about a piece of literature or something that impacts society, blah blah blah, on top of a list of your “volunteer work” or other “extracurricular activities”—as if working full time while attending school full time and maintaining a decent GPA wasn’t enough!—and you’re competing with who knows how many other students. Then of course, there’s the doubt that even after that, you’re still not “worth it.”

It’s an attitude I’ve been trying to change for a long time. I’m still not entirely sure how to navigate applying for scholarships, especially with a less-than-exemplary GPA, but I’ve been working on changing my way of thinking about the scholarships, but perhaps a bit more importantly: myself. As I was writing my scholarship essay (which asked why I want to be an engineer), I spent several minutes thinking critically of why I might deserve a scholarship any more than another person: what makes me different from other students. But then I had a thought that changed how I approached the question.

In choosing to pursue an engineering degree, in investing in my education, I am also investing in myself.

It’s often said that our harshest critics are ourselves, and that’s absolutely true for me. For a long time, it was difficult to see a future beyond my day-to-day job, and I think it was partly because I didn’t believe I had it in me to do it. Choosing to leave the security of my day-job to return to school was an especially difficult decision when you consider the ever-increasing cost of tuition. However, 5+ years in working in retail made me realize that I have so much more potential, and that investing in my education–myself–would be the best way to reach that potential.

Of course, that’s not what the essay prompt asked, but it was part of my thought process. The actual question was both easier and more difficult. The short answer is, I want to make money in a job that challenges me and I like making things. The real answer is much longer, and has changed and taken shape as I’ve gone through the experience of being an engineering student, and actually is tied very closely to why I became involved with SWE in the first place.

As I mentioned above, it was difficult to see a future for myself for a long time. Aside from personal doubts, one thing I realized (after I chose engineering) is that women still represent a minority in STEM fields. Without bringing politics into it, what this means for me is that I didn’t see myself pursuing an education in STEM because I didn’t see myself represented in STEM–I didn’t have a role model to look up to when I was younger. I don’t want that to happen to other young girls, so I want to be that person that I didn’t see in my younger years. I enjoy engineering, and I want young girls to see that they can enjoy it, as well.

Perhaps this post began with the discussion of scholarships, but what it’s truly about is self-growth. When I first returned to university, I kept to myself and struggled to connect with my classmates. It had a little to do with the lack of self-confidence I discussed above, but it didn’t help that I was working full-time while trying to balance a full class load and readjust to attending school. There’s so much I didn’t know–resources to use, people to lean on or build me up when in needed it.

But eventually I managed to fit in the time to become more involved. By being involved with SWE, whatever my reasons, I have been able to connect with people that are like-minded, and who are going through many of the same trials that I have faced. I’ve been able to connect with students in other organizations, through collaboration or shared spaces, and I’ve not only made wonderful friends, but have also been able to connect with my classmates to form study groups.

It may be a no-brainer to some people. Of course you’re better off with making these connections, being involved, etc, but sometimes it’s easier said than done, and sometimes you need a little help to get there.

Someday, when I’m not balancing quite so much, I’d like to mentor young girls interested in an education in STEM. I may not have taken a traditional path so far, but that just means I have more experiences to draw from. I’d like to do it now, truthfully, but I keep reminding myself not to overload myself. If you read my previous post(s), you’ll know that my goal for this semester (or just in general) is to work on time management. It was easier at the start of the semester–and it seems like just yesterday I was making my first blog post!–but it’s already time for the first round of midterms, and I have a quiz or exam or two every week now. All of the ease of the first few weeks has given way to the pressure to do well on these. (As a side note related to fluids, this morning we discussed how a difference in pressure along an airfoil/plane wing causes lift–high pressure below and low pressure above–and I think as an optimistic person I ought to relate that to success, somehow.)

In any case–until then, I will have to satisfy my desire to be a mentor through SWE outreach and part-time work. I have been tutoring at the local community college, which has been more rewarding than I initially expected, but this week I was offered a position as a TA on my campus, instead. It’s not terribly different, because I’ll still be helping students, and it’ll be easier on me because I’ll have less commuting to do–and it’ll free me up to pick up ice skating lessons again, which is a huge win for self-care! But it’s still a change, so wish me luck in readjusting my schedule!

As I wrap up this post, I want to stop and circle back to where I started: the “volunteer work” and “extracurricular activities” that scholarships look for, that once seemed impossible to me, have become an integral part of my university experience. Perhaps it’s a little ironic, but I think it may instead be more likely that I just hadn’t found the right thing for me yet. Maybe a straight path is faster, but I’ve learned a lot more by taking one less traveled.